Ancient Histories and the Stupidity of High School Boys

I should start with some background. I was raised in the Southwest by Midwest transplants for Nebraska. We were Lutherans because that is what the family had always been and good Midwestern folks go to church. So we attended both ELCA and later Missouri synod churches. I remember praying with my parents as a child and being part of this youth program where we earned tickets for memorizing scripture at an ELCA church. We lived on the edge of the ever expanding inner city in Phoenix and I was exposed to world at a young age by way of a public school upbringing. I was a real hellion and wild child, I was in trouble all the time. When it came time for JR high my family took me out of the public school district out of fear I would get beat for shooting my mouth off, and sent me to a Missouri synod day school. I continued to get into trouble and I had my own chair in the office. While I was there I was catechized some more and gained a good working knowledge of the word. But my heart was far from it.

The amazing thing about all of this was that those teachers who were over me had a great opportunity to share the gospel with me, but as far as I can remember never did. The gospel was assumed. I was a church kid so I already knew Jesus. This coupled with an Armenian outlook keep them from giving me the gospel in response to my sinful outburst. I mean, punch out a classmate in the hall of the church in 7th grade and all I got was a, “don’t do that” and go sweep the sidewalks for a week after school. No Gospel in sight.

In light of all of this I was always a Theist. I’m not saying I knew much about the God I believed in but I know that there had to be something out there because every time I tough otherwise I had this heavy feeling of despair come over me. Also I had extreme shame for the way I was that would come out in my thinking when I was alone. I was angry in general and started using words to hurt those around me. I didn’t need to hit you I just used my mind and killed you with my words.

I enter high school, ending up at a charter school that was focused on the arts (again my parents knowing I was smart butt wisely didn’t send me to the inner city high school). At this point I was angry, awkward and desperate to be liked. Looking back on it I would say that I really wanted two things; to have as much physical interaction sexually with girls as I could and to have as many people as possible like me. As a result I was ruled by the view others had of me and was always lying to try and make myself seem cooler, I spent my who freshman year jumping from group to group trying to find a friend. It was at this point that I was exposed to punk rock and took a real liking to the angry counter culture coolness that the music seemed to be about. I got in trouble for drugs my sophomore year early into the year and basically decided to be a church kid and straight edge and stay out of trouble. So I did. No heart change just, I will be a good person who goes to church where I make them all like me and get the girls to go as far sexual as we can without breaking the rule. I was 16. More to come tomorrow.

    • russellandduenes
    • June 15th, 2009

    Thanks for sharing. Gives me some things to think about as a Christian school teacher myself.

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